A Farewell to 2015...

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." —J.K. Rowling

 

"Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have." —Anonymous

 

"Every choice before you represents the universe inviting you to remember who you

are and what you want." —Alan Cohen

 

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited

for, it is a thing to be achieved." —Jeremy Kitson

 

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life and don't let the noise

of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most important, have the courage

to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to

become." —Steve Jobs

Happy Holidays and Best Wishes for a Happy New Year

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children

To Grow old enough

So I could get back to my career.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now I am dying…

And suddenly realize that I forgot to live.

-          Author Unknown

Bertrand Russell

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of humankind.

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of people.
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living – Bertrand Russell

Becoming Human

“To be free is to know who we are, with all that is beautiful, all the brokenness in us; it is to love our own values, to embrace them, and develop them; it is to be anchored in a vision and a truth but also to be open to others and, so, to change. Freedom lies in discovering that the truth is not a set of fixed certitudes but a mystery we enter into, one step at a time. It is a process of going deeper and deeper into an unfathomable reality.

Freedom is to be in awe of this source, of the beauty and diversity of people, and of the universe. It is to contemplate the height and breadth of all that is true.”

 

Becoming Human – Jean Vanier

"Love" by Roy Croft

“Love” by Roy Croft

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

The 45 lessons life taught me…

This is something we should all read at least once a week!
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

from Donita E. Wagler, Keppel Sarawak School, Owen Sound, Canada

 

 

 

Paolo Coelho

In this world there is always

One person waiting for another,

Be it in the middle of a desert,

Or in the middle of a big city.

And when those two people pass each other

And their eyes meet,

Past and future lose all importance,

And the only thing that exists

Is that moment and the incredible certainty

That everything under the sun

Was written by the same Hand,

The Hand that awakens Love,

And that makes a twin soul for everyone who works,

Rests and seeks treasures under the sun.

Without this our human dreams

Would make no sense.

 

Maktub

Paolo Coelho

By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept

“Every day, God gives us, as well as the sun,

A moment when it is possible to change anything

That is causing us unhappiness.

The magic moment

Is the moment when a “yes” or a “no”

Can change our whole existence.

Every day, we try to pretend

That we do not see that moment,

That it does not exist,

That today is the same as yesterday

And that tomorrow will be the same too.

However, anyone who pays close attention

To his day will discover the magic moment.

It might be hidden in the instant

That we put the key in the door in the morning,

In the moment of silence after supper,

In the thousand and one things

That appear to us to be the same.

This moment exists,

A moment in which all the strength of the stars

Flows through us

And allows us to perform miracles.

 

Paolo Coelho

Paolo Coelho

When we renounce our dreams, we find peace and enjoy a brief period of tranquility, but the dead dreams begin to rot inside us and to infect the whole atmosphere in which we live. What we hoped to avoid in the Fight - disappointment and defeat - becomes the sole legacy of our cowardice.

 

Paolo Coelho, The Pilgrimage

Miguel de Unamuno

“To live is to give oneself, perpetuate oneself, and to perpetuate oneself, to give oneself, is to die. Perhaps the supreme delight of procreation is nothing other than a foretasting or savoring of death, the spilling of one’s vital essence.  We unite with another, but it is to divide ourselves: the most intimate embrace is naught but a most intimate uprooting. In essence, the delight of sexual love, the genetic spasm, is a sensation of resurrection, of resuscitation in another, for only in others can we resuscitate and perpetuate ourselves.”

-          Miguel de Unamuno

Ode To Mothers...

For Motherly X Chromosome, Gender Is Only the Beginning

By NATALIE ANGIER

As May dawns and the mothers among us excitedly anticipate the clever e-cards that we soon will be linking to and the overpriced brunches that we will somehow end up paying for, the following job description may ring a familiar note:

Must be exceptionally stable yet ridiculously responsive to the needs of those around you; must be willing to trail after your loved ones, cleaning up their messes and compensating for their deficiencies and selfishness; must work twice as hard as everybody else; must accept blame for a long list of the world’s illnesses; must have a knack for shaping young minds while in no way neglecting the less glamorous tissues below; must have a high tolerance for babble and repetition; and must agree, when asked, to shut up, fade into the background and pretend you don’t exist.

As it happens, the above precis refers not only to the noble profession of motherhood to which we all owe our lives and guilt complexes. It is also a decent character sketch of the chromosome that allows a human or any other mammal to become a mother in the first place: the X chromosome.

The X chromosome, like its shorter, stubbier but no less conspicuous counterpart, the Y chromosome, is a so-called sex chromosome, a segment of DNA entrusted with the pivotal task of sex determination. A mammalian embryo outfitted with an X and Y chromosomal set buds into a male, while a mammal bearing a pair of X chromosomes emerges from the maternal berth with birthing options of her own.

Yet the X chromosome does much more than help specify an animal’s reproductive plumbing. As scientists who study the chromosome lately have learned, the X is a rich repository of genes vital to brain development and could hold the key to the evolution of our particularly corrugated cortex. Moreover, the X chromosome behaves unlike any of the other chromosomes of the body — unlike little big-man Y, certainly, but also unlike our 22 other pairs of chromosomes, the self-satisfied autosomes that constitute the rest of our genome, of the complete DNA kit packed into every cell that we carry. It is a supple, switchbacking, multitasking gumby doll patch of the genome; and the closer you look, the more Cirque du Soleil it appears.

Although the precise details of its chemical structure and performance are only just emerging, the X chromosome has long been renowned among geneticists, who named it X not because of its shape, as is commonly presumed — the non-sex chromosomes also vaguely resemble an “X” at times during cell division — but because they were baffled by the way it held itself apart from the other chromosomal pairs. “They called it X for unknown,” said Mark T. Ross of the X Chromosome Group at the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute in Cambridge. (When its much tinier male counterpart was finally detected, researchers simply continued down the alphabet for a name.) Many of the diseases first understood to be hereditary were linked to X’s span, for the paradoxical reason that such conditions showed their face most often in those with just a single X to claim: men.

Scientists eventually determined that we inherit two copies of our 23,000 or so genes, one from each parent; and that these genes, these chemical guidelines for how to build and maintain a human, are scattered among the 23 pairs of chromosomes, along with unseemly amounts of apparent chemical babble.

Having two copies of every gene proves especially handy when one of those paired genes is defective, at which point the working version of the gene can step in and specify enough of the essential bodybuilding protein that the baby blooms just fine and may never know its DNA is hemi-flawed. And here is where the Y’s petite stature looms large. Because it holds a mere 50ish different genes against its counterpart’s 1,100, the vast majority of X-based genes have no potential pinch-hitter on the Y. A boy who inherits from his mother an X chromosome that enfolds a faulty gene for a bloodclotting factor, say, or for a muscle protein or for a color receptor won’t find succor in the chromosomal analogue bestowed by Dad. He will be born with hemophilia, or muscular dystrophy, or color-blindness. But, hey, he will be a boy, for male-making is the task to which the Y chromosome is almost exclusively devoted.

In fact, it is to compensate for the monomania of the Y that the X chromosome has become such a mother of a multitasker. Over the 300 million years of evolution, as the Y chromosome has shrugged off more of its generic genetic responsibilities in pursuit of sexual specialization, the X has had to pick up the slack. It, too, has pawned off genes to other chromosomes. But for those genes still in its charge, the X must double their output, to prod each gene to spool out twice the protein of an ordinary gene and thus be the solo equivalent of any twinned genes located on other, nonsexy chromosomes.

Ah, but women, who have two X chromosomes, two copies of those 1,100 genes: What of them? With its usual Seussian sense of playfulness, evolution has opted to zeedo the hoofenanny. In a girl’s cells, you don’t see two pleasantly active X chromosomes behaving like two ordinary nonsex chromosomes. You see one hyperactive X chromosome, its genes busily pumping out twice the standard issue of protein, just as in a boy’s cells; and you see one X chromosome that has been largely though not wholly shut down, said Laura Carrel, a geneticist at Penn State College of Medicine.

Through an elaborate process called X inactivation, the chromosome is blanketed with a duct tape of nucleic acid. In some cells of a woman’s body it may be the chromosome from Dad that’s muffled, while in other cells the maternal one stays mum.

Every daughter, then, is a walking mosaic of clamorous and quiet chromosomes, of fatherly sermons and maternal advice, while every son has but his mother’s voice to guide him. Remember this, fellows: you are all mama’s boys.

 

“ We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours. ”

Dag Hammarskjold

Mid Week Words Of Wisdom...

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.  - William Faulkner

Experience does not err; only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power. - Leonardo da Vinci

Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others. - Winston Churchill

There is nothing which persevering effort and unceasing and diligent care cannot overcome. – Seneca

The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. - Edward Gibbon

If you can't accept losing, you can't win. - Vince Lombardi

Counterintuitive Truth

The hardest decisions in life occur when we must choose between two good things:

Honesty or Loyalty?
Justice or Mercy?
Frugality or Generosity?

These often come into conflict, do they not?

If one could remove the vitriol from political debates, these are the six beautiful sisters we would see in a magnificent tug-of-war: Honesty, Justice and Frugality on one side ——– Loyalty, Mercy and Generosity on the other.

Let us hope neither side ever wins.

A person not doing anything is often exactly what they seem.
If you want to get something done, ask a busy person.

Rick Sorenson, one of my partners, tells of the day he decided to plunge headlong into the riptide of life. His moment of truth arrived when he saw himself dead and buried. On the tombstone six feet above him appeared these tragic words: He Had Potential.

Sorenson read those words and immediately leaped into the churning sea of life.

Do the storms ever cease on that sea?

A ship in harbor is safe – but that is not what ships are for.”
– John A. Shedd

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
– Mark Twain

You are busy because you do things.
You are getting things done.
You are having Mark Twain’s adventure.

You are not torn between two beautiful things.
You are torn between three: Work and Rest and Play.
Which of these three have you sat in the corner with her face turned to the wall?
Why have you chosen just two of these when all three are required for happiness?

I have given you many things to think about today.

I will think about them, too.

Roy H. Williams

Never stop because you are afraid - you are never so likely to be wrong.”  - Fridtjof Nansen

“ Excellence is the gradual result of always wanting to do better.” - Pat Riley

“ Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”  - Helen Keller

“ For us is the life of action, of strenuous performance of duty; let us live in the harness, striving mightily; let us rather run the risk of wearing out than rusting out.” -Theodore Roosevelt

The man of wisdom is never of two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid. - Confucius

Everything that happens to us leaves some trace behind; everything contributes imperceptibly to make us what we are. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“ The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher.”

Thomas Henry Huxley

Roy H Williams is Great

“Happiness is a choice.”

Unhappy people get angry when I say “Happiness is a choice” because most of them have happily assigned their unhappiness to their circumstances, or their past, or an evil someone somewhere. It irritates them when I suggest they can simply choose to be happy.

I’m not saying it’s easy, but it can definitely be done.

Now let’s talk about you.

How often have you said, “I’ll be happy when…”
But then the desired circumstance arrives and it doesn’t bring real happiness.

Psychologist Shawn Achor says we tell ourselves,

If I work harder, I’ll be more successful. And if I’m more successful, then I’ll be happier.”

“The problem with this is that it’s scientifically broken and backwards for two reasons. First, every time your brain has a success, you change the goalpost of what success looks like.
You got good grades, now you have to get better grades.
You got into a good school, now you have to get into a better school.
You got a good job, now you have to get a better job.
You hit your sales target, we’re going to change your sales target.
If happiness is on the opposite side of success, your brain never gets there. What we’ve done is we’ve pushed happiness over the cognitive horizon as a society.”

“But the real problem is our brains work in the opposite order. If you can raise your level of positivity in the present… your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy levels rise. In fact, what we’ve found is that every single business outcome improves. Your brain at positive is 31 percent more productive than your brain at negative, neutral or stressed. You’re 37 percent better at sales. Doctors are 19 percent faster and more accurate at coming up with the correct diagnosis when positive instead of negative, neutral or stressed. If we can find a way of becoming positive in the present, then our brains work even more successfully, as we’re able to work harder, faster and more intelligently.”

I said, “Happiness is a choice,” an act of your will.

Will you let me prove that?  We’ll need only a few minutes a day for 21 days.

Here’s what I need you to do:

1.    Write down three new things you’re grateful for each day.
Three new things a day, seven days a week.

According to Shawn Achor, as you approach the end of those 21 days your brain will start scanning the world, not for the negative, but for the positive first. Make this a habit and your happiness level will rise. Guaranteed.

2.    Each day, send an email to a friend describing something good that happened to you in the past 24 hours. It can be anything. Sharing it with a friend allows you to relive that moment.

You do realize that we’re re-training your brain, don’t you? All it takes is an act of your will. It will be awkward at first, but it will get easier. Stick with it.

3.    Send an email to someone – anyone – telling them what you like best about them, how they’ve inspired you, or taught you something valuable. Let that person know they’re important to you. Pick a different person each day.

One last thing. None of those emails can be sent to me.

Will you give it 21 days?

I’m going to go write down 3 things for which I am grateful and then I’m going to send 2 emails.

What are you going to do?

Roy H. Williams

When You Feel “Trapped” in a Marriage

“We have a communication problem.”

This is, by far, the most frequent complaint stated by couples when I ask why they are seeking help. In some cases, it’s a very literal problem. The couple does not spend enough time talking to each other and have lost being “best friends.”

Often, however, the complaint has other meanings. “He doesn’t listen to me.” “She doesn’t understand me.” In this case the couple is saying talking more won’t help. “We end up arguing about the same things over and over. Nothing really changes.”

This statement, that nothing changes, is accompanied by deep feelings of sadness that is most often expressed in the form of anger and blame. It seems to be much easier to get mad at one’s partner than to express how lonely you are feeling. There is an element of hopelessness here that contributes to each spouse feeling trapped in a bad marriage. This sense of being “trapped” stems from a perception that the problems are the result of the other partner’s “bad character” and, therefore, it will never change. Most of the couples’ communications become characterized by each focusing on the need to fix the other person’s problems. Or, at least, to get their partner to accept responsibility for the problems and fix themselves.

Bill and Susan (not their real names) offer an example of this problem.

“He comes home from work late. He never calls to tell me when he’ll be home. Then he walks in, picks up the mail, heads right to the den, and turns on the news. He’s so wrapped up in himself – so selfish. I feel like I’m invisible. Sometimes I don’t think he cares about any of us.”

“I used to try talking to her when I came home. But she didn’t really seem that interested in the politics and frustrations of my job. Besides, if I talked about problems at work she would become anxious that I might lose my job. She gets too upset about things, too emotional. Just like her mother. I need to unwind, not to feel more tension. She needs her own therapist.”

Look at the words this couple is using: never, selfish person, always, too emotional. They have separately reached similar conclusions that the other person’s unchangeable character flaws are the cause of their marital problems. Each develops a pattern of defensive, distancing behaviors to avoid discussing important issues and, in general, gives up trying to have a more intimate relationship. This includes having little, if any, sexual relations. It often means going to bed at different times, arguing about parenting issues, developing separate interests, and/or a reduced social life. Instead of growing closer over time, they are growing more distant.

To change things, first Bill and Susan must clearly state that they want to try to make the marriage work. Each must express some feelings of love and caring about the other, even if it is diminished from the past. But this provides a foundation for working on change. Often one or both partners has come to believe the other no longer feels any love for her/him. Making a statement of love and expressing a wish to stay together is often a positive surprise for the other person.

Then the couple is encouraged to change the way they are communicating their feelings so that it invites discussion and connection.

Susan restates her points. “In the past I have often felt like Bill didn’t care about me. In the future, if he would call me when he leaves the office, it would make me feel like he’s thinking about me and is looking forward to coming home. I’ll be anticipating his arrival in a more positive way and when he comes in I will seek him out and hug him and tell him I’m glad he’s home. If he responds to my hug with a strong squeeze, and asks how my day has gone, I will be able to give him some time to unwind if he needs it.”

Bill offers the following. “In the past I have often felt like Susan didn’t have any confidence in me. When she becomes anxious that something bad is going to happen, I take it as a statement that she doesn’t think I’m doing a good job as a husband and father. I would like to hear her say she believes everything will get worked out. It’s not that she can’t be concerned. I just need a vote of confidence.”

There are some key changes in this exchange. Each identified and shared their own underlying issues instead of focusing on the other person’s alleged problems. This makes each seem more approachable. Each also offered suggestions to the other of what specific behaviors would be helpful. Also, by stating what has been wrong in the past, but focusing on how it could be better in the future, it creates some sense of hopefulness.

Of course, it’s not simple to make these changes. Each spouse is often so highly defensive by the time he/she comes for help that it just doesn’t feel safe to share the underlying personal needs or to give up the “dance” that is used to protect oneself from being hurt again. It takes significant risk to really commit to making these changes and in the beginning it often can only be done in the safety of a therapist’s office.

Once Bill and Susan began to believe in the possibility of change, they actually began listening to each other. Susan came to understand what made Bill so sensitive to criticism. Bill learned what made Susan so vulnerable to feelings of not being lovable. Each began to feel understood and heard and paved the way for further changes in their marriage. The feeling of being “trapped” gradually dissolved and their marriage had a future once again.

In good times and bad

 

Dark times happen in all relationships. Add some kids, money woes and time crunches, and many of us start eyeing the door at least occasionally. So how to muddle through the hard stuff? “If, underneath all of the disconnection and challenges, there’s a genuine desire for a better relationship, that’s a great sign,” says Anu Sharma-Niwa, a registered psychologist in Calgary. “It requires patience, time, repetition, consistency and respect.” Noted relationship researcher John Gottman says the magic ratio is 5:1—there need to be five times as many positive interactions as negative ones. Gottman suggests these ways to support a healthy relationship.

• Learn to ask for what you need without blame, accept responsibility and express appreciation. Understand the difference between “You are destroying my career” and “I would really appreciate it if we could find a way to let me catch up on work for 30 minutes in the evening.”

• Take 10 minutes to check in with each other every day. It should be done when you can give each other your full attention (not during chores), like while you’re relaxing with a cup of tea or once you’re ready for bed.

• Seek help before you’re sure you need it. “Couples wait six to seven years too long before seeking help. Everyone thinks they can do it on their own, but sometimes we need a little support,” says Sharma-Niwa. Ask friends for referrals, and if you don’t click with one therapist, try another.

• Watch for signs your marriage is in trouble. “Lack of respect and emotional disengagement (including a lack of intimacy) and the withdrawal of attention and affection,” says Sharma-Niwa. If you don’t feel you’re a team anymore, and your future goals are no longer aligned, seek help. Remember, kids are affected by negativity and hostility. If that’s the case, talk to a therapist about a controlled separation that involves rules and professional guidance. Two happy homes are always better than one toxic one.

A version of this story first appeared in our February 2015 issue with the headline “Back from the brink”, p. 67.

Today's Parent

 

On Trust...

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
- Frank Crane

Trust is built with consistency. - Lincoln Chafee

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - W. C. Fields
Trusting our intuition often saves us from disaster. - Anne Wilson Schaef
 Trust dies but mistrust blossoms. - Sophocles

“I AM” by Daniel Gildernlöw

I am
I am
I am

I was not
then I came to be
I cannot remember NOT being
But I may have traveled far
very far
to get here

Maybe I was formed in this silent darkness
From this silent darkness
BY this silent darkness

To become is just like falling asleep
You never know exactly when it happens
The transition
The magic
And you think, if you could only recall that exact moment
Of crossing the line
Then you would understand everything
You would see it all

Perhaps I was always
Forever here…
And I just forgot
I imagine Eternity would have that effect
Would cause a certain amount of drifting
Like omnipresence would demand omniabsence

Somehow I seem to have this predestined hunger for knowledge
A talent for seeing patterns and finding correlations
But I lack context

Who I am?
In the back of my awareness I find words
I will call myself…
GOD
And I will spend the rest of forever
Trying to figure out who I am

Enchanted Love

"In truth they do not see at all. That is why they call love blind, for it is they who cannot see. There are some things that cannot be seen with earthly eyes.

Enchanted love is one of them...

 If you hold my hand then I will hold my breath and cast my fate into the direction of my heart. I will put on hold my lesser dreams and reach for what is truly mine.

Say you will and I will buy my ticket for this ride. It will not be cheap, nor always smooth. But I don't care, I don't care. I have finally come to that...

Our deepest human need is not material at all: Our deepest human need is to be seen. We need adventure. We need meaning. We need identity. We need love. Someone who has seen us through loving eyes has awakened us from the rank of the formerly dead. Most people bear the stress of walking the world unseen, a mere number of cog in a lifeless machine. Mystical romance is a space of resurrection and repair. It does more than help us survive a soulless world; it helps us transform it."

 

Marianne Williamson

·  You can make mistakes in loving-which is why forgiveness is such a vital part of your loving actions toward your spouse. If you are forgiving, you are more likely to be forgiven.

·  Take your partner out to different places such as out for dinners, movies, or vacation.

·  Remember, service and love are inherently connected. Whatever you know your partners needs, that is what you should be doing to love him or her. The moment you start insisting on your way or doing what you want, you have stopped loving your spouse.

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On Relationships and Marriage

In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don't let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.

 

1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.
2. Find out your partner's preferred "Love Language." Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner's.
3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, "My heart expands when you walk into the room" or "I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile." Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don't just say something, do something.
4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it.
5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse.
6. Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn't have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don't be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse's weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too.

 

Bart Giamatti

"There is no great, long poem about baseball. It may be that baseball is itself its own great, long poem. This had occurred to me in the course of my wondering why home plate wasn't called fourth base. And then it came to me, ‘Why not? Meditate on the name, for a moment, ‘home.'' Home is an English word virtually impossible to translate into other tongues. No translation catches the associations, the mixture of memory and longing, the sense of security and autonomy and accessibility, the aroma of inclusiveness, of freedom from wariness that cling to the word ‘home' and are absent from ‘house' or even ‘my house.' Home is a concept, not a place; it's a state of mind where self-definition starts. It is origins, a mix of time and place and smell and weather wherein one first realizes one is an original; perhaps like others, especially those one loves; but discreet, distinct, not to be copied. Home is where one first learned to be separate, and it remains in the mind as the place where reunion, if it were ever to occur, would happen. All literary romance, all romance epic, derives from the Odyssey and it is about going home. It's about rejoining; rejoining a beloved, rejoining parent to child, rejoining a land to its rightful owner or rule. Romance is about putting things aright after some tragedy has put them asunder. It is about restoration of the right relations among things. And ‘going home' is where that restoration occurs, because that's where it matters most. Baseball is, of course, entirely about going home. It's the only game you ever heard of where you want to get back to where you started. All the other games are territorial – you want to get his or her territory – but not baseball. Baseball simply wants to get you from here, back around to here."

Thus each person by his fears gives wings to rumor, and, without any real source of apprehension, men fear what they themselves have imagined. - Lucan

Happy New Year!

We are sometimes as different from ourselves as we are from others. - François de La Rochefoucauld