Ben Stein

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. - Ben Stein

The Thing About Life Is That One Day You'll Be Dead

"A newborn's hands tend to be held closed, but if the area between the thumb and forefinger is stroked, the hand clenches it and holds on with sufficient strength to support the baby's weight if both hands are grasping. This innate "grasp reflex" serves no purpose in the human infant but was crucial in the last prehuman phase of evolution when the infant had to cling to its mother's hair."

 

"If a baby is dropped, an immediate change from the usual curled posture occurs, as all four extremities are flung out in extension. The "startle reflex," or "embrace reflex," probably once served to help a simian mother catch a falling infant by causing it to spread out as fully as possible."

 

David Shields

Demian

"Sooner or later each of us must take the step that separates us from his father, from his mentors; each of us must have some cruelly lonely experience--even if most people cannot take much of this and soon crawl back. I myself had not parted from my parents and their world in a violent struggle, but had gradually and almost imperceptibly become estranged. I was sad that it had to be this way and it made for many unpleasant hours during my visits back home; but it did not affect me deeply, it was bearable."


"At this point a sharp realization burned within me: each man has his 'function' but none which he can choose himself, define, or perform as he pleases. It was wrong to desire new gods, completely wrong to want to provide the world with something. An enlightened man had but one duty--to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."



"I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint, neither I nor anyone else. All of that was incidental. Each man had only one genuine vocation--to find the way to himself. He might end up as poet or madman, as prophet or criminal--that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern. His task was to discover his own destiny--not an arbitrary one--and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one's own inwardness."

Hermann Hesse

Marianne Williamson... Enchanted Love

"I love the sea, the blue and the green and the wet and the cool. If I have to choose between the sea, or you, I'll take you, but with sadness.

 My favourite thing is to swim with you, to put the crown on my head and spray water on your face, to see you when you laugh like that, and pretend that I'm a little girl. I love to see that look on your face when you register that I'm not.

 ... I know, I know, they always ask that, "Who are you exactly?"

 I just laugh and dive down deep, to find more pearls on the ocean floor. I will bring them back to you my love. I will always bring them back to you."

Life Goes On...

Life goes on. It goes on after birth. It goes on after death. It goes on after heartbreak. Or does it? People say that life goes on, but your life, which has been affected in some way or another, doesn’t just go on, it goes on differently.

Unless you are the Son of God, it is only reasonable that what you consider to be a

life-moving, monumental event doesn’t cause the earth to miss a revolution. No matter what happens to you during the entire sum of your existence, the sun always rises, the wind continues to blow, and those around you, those millions of beings that never come close to touching your life, never skip a beat. Routines don’t change… well, except for yours.

In fact, your life is not “going on” the same way at all. You are living differently. You are possibly sleeping less, eating more, working more, and wallowing in your self-pity. No matter how you slice it, apart from the essentials of a living, human being, breathing, eating, sleeping, your life is NOT going on at all. You are living a new life, learning a new routine, finding a new groove.

What resistance to change. What resistance to starting anew. Is it fear of another possible failure or success? Is it a bruised ego or a loss of comfort? Whatever it may be, your life is not your life-as-you-knew-it anymore. Times have changed. You may or may not have taken part in the decision, you may or may not have been the catalyst for the change, but in fact, your life is different.

So here you find yourself, at whatever age you currently are, wondering how on earth you got here. You question your motives, your emotions, your principles, and maybe even, your existence. All the while, the ones you love most find it in their hearts to pass on the same words that they were once told. “Life goes on.” And so it does.

The world is still turning. The people you never came to know in your entire presence on earth still find it in their hearts to go to work, shop, eat, and buy new furniture, regardless of your newfound joy or sadness. Children are born, family members pass on, pains come and go and before long, it dawns on you. Life just keeps happening. It may not be your life, but life, nonetheless. I hate to be the bearer of bad news in this seemingly perfect world, but regardless of what anyone may tell you, your life may never be the same.

 clm      10/18/05

Khalil Gibran

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”  


“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”  

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.”  

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. ”  

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.”

“You may forget with whom you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept. ”  

“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.”  

On Happiness...

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true. - Leon J. Suenes

Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind. - Alice Meynell

Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.
Winnie the Pooh

Just because it didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.
Unknown

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

Perfect Timing

If you wait for the perfect moment when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved. - Maurice Chevalier

“If you keep waiting for the right time, it may never happen. Sometimes you have to make the most of the time you have.”
― Priya Ardis   
The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be. -Loesje

The only person who is truly holding you back is you. No more excuses. It’s time to change. It’s time to live life at a new level. – Tony Robbins
 Life is like a camera. Focus on what’s important, capute the good times and develop from the negatives. If it doesn’t work, take another shot. – Anon

The trouble is you think you have time. – Buddha

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. – Nelson Mandela

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. – Evan Esar

Different and Different

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my difference from you, and far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture these differences.

 

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”

C. Joybell

Fire In The Earth

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God or many gods.

 I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.

 If you know despair or can see it in others.

I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world with its harsh need to change you. If you can look back with firm eyes saying this is where I stand.

 I want to know if you know how to melt into the fierce heat of living falling toward the center of your longing.

 I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day, with the consequence of love and the bitter unwanted passion of sure defeat.

I have been told, in that fierce embrace, even the gods speak of God.

 

Excerpt: Fire in the Earth, David Whyte

Steve Jobs

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

 

Steve Jobs ( Apple CEO )

Oriah Mountain Dreamer - The Dance

"I ache for shared silence, not the awkward lulls in conversation where we reach for something, anything, to cover the tension of trying to be with too much of the other and too little of ourselves, but the moments of fullness that let each of us unfold and know who we really are. I long for silences with another where there is nothing to forgive or explain or justify, where we agree to abandon quickly spoken words for a time so we do not abandon ourselves or each other, the silences where no one asks me to choose between belonging to myself and being with the world. And when these silences come, I feel how I am working my way home though whatever they hold -- terror or tenderness, grief or celebration -- spiraling ever closer to a sweetness I have ached for all my life."

The Call - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

This is a story about surrendering from a woman who has found surrender impossible. This is a story about stopping the war, my war, the one I have fought all my life, the one I have not been able to give up despite the fact that I have lost every battle and sincerely declared myself out of action over and over again. It's a story about stopping the war with what is within and around me because I have simply had enough of fighting, because I love my life and the world and have come to realize that in order to find the rest I ache for and the peace I want us to create together, I must give up the war I fight every time I allow my desire to create change, inner or outer, pull me into doing. Change will happen, change does happen, often as a result of our choices and our actions . But every time I let my actions be dictated solely or primarily by the desire to create change, every time I am attached to achieving a desired result, no matter how lofty or "spiritual" that hoped–for result may be, I am rejecting what is and so causing suffering in myself and in the world.

I thought that to heed the call, to know and embody the meaning of my life, I had to learn to do it differently. But what I had to learn, what I am still learning, was to stop doing altogether. I had to learn not-doing, something I had heard about years ago but dismissed as being at best an ideal beyond my humanness or at worst empty spiritual jargon. I remember the first time I heard a teacher, a Native American elder, tell a group of students that they had to learn the art of not-doing. I was a single mother with two small sons living on very little income, and I wondered just how not–doing would work when there are children to get up and dressed, breakfasts to prepare, lunches to pack, laundry to do, and a wage to be earned. I misunderstood. I assumed not-doing meant doing nothing–staring at a wall or sleeping–and there was precious little time for this in my life. Of course, even when we sit and stare at a wall or lie in bed sleeping we are usually doing something. We are thinking and feeling and sensing, if only in our dreams.

But not-doing does not depend on whether or not my body is moving or my mind is active. Not-doing is about letting any movement flow from an awareness of the deep and ever-present stillness that is what I am at the most essential level of being. It is here, in the awareness of my essential nature, that I find the meaning I seek in my life, not as an idea or an ideal but as an implicit knowing folded into my very being.

Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You

 

There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by….

Life’s circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perhaps you would have no direction at all.

Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the “whys” and “what ifs” and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was ~ is in the past. Whatever is ~ is what’s important.

The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here…

Walk your path one step at a time ~ with courage, faith and determination. Keep your head up, and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon your steps will become firm, and your footing will be solid again. A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow. Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings…

~ Vicki Silvers ~

 

Zig Ziglar

The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now.

Take time to be quiet.

The greatest single cause of a poor self-image is the absence of unconditional love.

The only way to coast is downhill.

The Portrait - Iain Pears

"How is it that expressions change? I have spent years looking at people's faces, and it is still a mystery to me. A miniscule, immeasurable movement of an eyebrow in relation to the eye and nose; a scarcely discernible tightening or loosening of the muscles in cheek and neck; the barest tremor on the lips; a shine in the eyes. But we know the eyes do not change; the most significant manifestation of emotion is pure illusion. And this fractional shifting is all that distinguishes contempt from respect, love from anger. Some people are crude; their faces can be read by anyone. Some are more subtle, and only those close to them can read the face correctly. Some are incomprehensible even to themselves."

The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

 

 

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“To live in a vast and proud tranquility; always beyond . . . To have, or not to have, one's emotions, one's For and Against, according to choice; to lower oneself to them for hours; to SEAT oneself on them as upon horses, and often as upon asses:--for one must know how to make use of their stupidity as well as of their fire. To conserve one's three hundred foregrounds; also one's black spectacles: for there are circumstances when nobody must look into our eyes, still less into our "motives." And to choose for company that roguish and cheerful vice, politeness. And to remain master of one's four virtues, courage, insight, sympathy, and solitude. For solitude is a virtue with us, as a sublime bent and bias to purity, which divines that in the contact of man and man--"in society"--it must be unavoidably impure. All society makes one somehow, somewhere, or sometime--"commonplace."

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

"Probably the single most confusing thing that people tell each other is "I love you." We long to hear this powerful and reassuring message. Taken alone, however, unsupported by consistently loving behavior, this is frequently a lie - or, more charitably, a promise unlikely to be fulfilled.

The disconnect between what we say and what we do is not merely a measure of hypocrisy, since we usually believe our statements of good intent. We simply pay too much attention to words - ours and others' - and not enough to the actions that really define us. The walls of our self-constructed prisons are made up in equal parts of our fear and risk and our dream that the world and the people in it will conform to our fondest wishes. It is hard to let go of a comforting illusion, but harder still to construct a happy life out of perceptions and beliefs that do not correspond to the world around us."

 

This book was a great read!

“Be creative, be useful, be practical, be generous and finish big”    
-  Lisa Genova

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. - George Jackson

"There are people Fate can never keep down. They stride confidently forward, taking the best that life affords. They do not scheme, nor trim their sails to catch the wind of popular opinion. They are ever alert to whatever crosses their path and when it comes, they appropriate it, and tarrying not, move steadily forward once again."

- Elbert Hubbard

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost

“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed.  But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one.  Up until now I have had no health problems.  I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins.  Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds.  None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”

That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977.  I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago.  It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.

Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2.  Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts forever.

So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it. 

3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.  It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it.  If you believe in something, keep trying.  Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  Let what you’ve learned improve how you live.  Make a change and never look back.

And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.  Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.

Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.  So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion.  It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end.  It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills.  It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar.  It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers.  It could mean lots of time alone in solitude.  Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible.  It gives you the space you need.  Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.

And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth it.  So if you’re going to try, go all the way.  There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. 

6.  Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others try to bring you down.  It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.

Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.  People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it.  So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.  If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it.  Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.

All jokes aside, your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

7.  What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.

In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be

8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.

Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.

Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:

1. Think positively.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Exercise today.
4. Worry less.
5. Work hard.
6. Laugh often.
7. Sleep well.

Repeat…

Tuesdays with Morrie

“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here. Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

 

“In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you’re too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.”

“You cannot substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship. Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I’m sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much of them you have.”

Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“Proper apologies have three parts:

1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?”

 

“Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”

 

“Another way to be prepared is to think negatively. Yes, I'm a great optimist. but, when trying to make a decision, I often think of the worst case scenario. I call it 'the eaten by wolves factor.' If I do something, what's the most terrible thing that could happen? Would I be eaten by wolves? One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist, is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose. There are a lot of things I don't worry about, because I have a plan in place if they do.”

 

“You can always change your plan, but only if you have one.”

Walt Disney

“ You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

Walt Disney (1901–1966)

I Love Mr. Darcy

I couldn't sleep.

Nor I. My aunt...

Yes, she was here.

How can I ever make amends for such behaviour?

After what you've done for Lydia and, I suspect, for Jane, it is I who should be making amends.

You must know.

Surely you must know it was all for you.

You are too generous to trifle with me.

You spoke with my aunt last night

and it has taught me to hope
   
as I'd scarcely allowed myself before.

If your feelings are still what they

were last April, tell me so at once.

My affections and wishes

have not changed.   

But one word from you

will silence me for ever.           

lf, however,

your feelings have changed...  

...I would have to tell you,

you have bewitched me,

body and soul, and I love...

I love... I love you.

I never wish to be parted

from you from this day on.



  

                  

I Love Pride and Prejudice

``In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.''

Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for her immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority -- of its being a degradation -- of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.

In spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, she could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man's affection, and though her intentions did not vary for an instant, she was at first sorry for the pain he was to receive; till, roused to resentment by his subsequent language, she lost all compassion in anger. She tried, however, to compose herself to answer him with patience, when he should have done. He concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could only exasperate farther, and when he ceased, the colour rose into her cheeks, and she said,

``In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation.''

Mr. Darcy, who was leaning against the mantle-piece with his eyes fixed on her face, seemed to catch her words with no less resentment than surprise. His complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. He was struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open his lips, till he believed himself to have attained it. The pause was to Elizabeth's feelings dreadful. At length, in a voice of forced calmness, he said,

``And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance.''

``I might as well enquire,'' replied she, ``why, with so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against you, had they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable, do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the man, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?''

As she pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed colour; but the emotion was short, and he listened without attempting to interrupt her while she continued.

``I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there. You dare not, you cannot deny that you have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other, of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind.''

She paused, and saw with no slight indignation that he was listening with an air which proved him wholly unmoved by any feeling of remorse. He even looked at her with a smile of affected incredulity.

``Can you deny that you have done it?'' she repeated.

With assumed tranquillity he then replied, ``I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.''

Elizabeth disdained the appearance of noticing this civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely to conciliate, her.

``But it is not merely this affair,'' she continued, ``on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the recital which I received many months ago from Mr. Wickham. On this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you here defend yourself? or under what misrepresentation, can you here impose upon others?''

``You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns,'' said Darcy in a less tranquil tone, and with a heightened colour.

``Who that knows what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?''

``His misfortunes!'' repeated Darcy contemptuously; ``yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed.''

``And of your infliction,'' cried Elizabeth with energy. ``You have reduced him to his present state of poverty, comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages, which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life, of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this! and yet you can treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule.''

``And this,'' cried Darcy, as he walked with quick steps across the room, ``is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps,'' added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards her, ``these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I with greater policy concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination -- by reason, by reflection, by every thing. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?''

Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said,

``You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.''

She saw him start at this, but he said nothing, and she continued,

``You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.''

Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on.

``From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.''

``You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.''

And with these words he hastily left the room, and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.

 

A Return To Love - Marianne Williamson

"I once read a delightful book called the Mists of Avalon. The mists of Avalon are a mythical allusion to the tales of King Arthur. Avalon is a magical island that is hidden behind huge impenetrable mists. Unless the mists part, there is no way to navigate your way to the island. But, unless you believe the island is there, the mists won't part.

Avalon symbolizes a world beyond the world we see with our physical eyes. It represents a miraculous sense of things, the enchanted realm that we knew as children. Our childlike self is the deepest level of our being. It is who we really, are and what is real doesn't go away. The truth doesn't stop being the truth just because we're not looking at it. Love merely becomes clouded over, or surrounded by mental mists.

Avalon is the world we knew when we were still connected to our softness, our innocence, our spirit. It's actually the same world we see now, but informed by love, interpreted gently, with hope and faith and a sense of wonder. It's easily retrieved, because perception is choice. The mists part when we believe that Avalon is behind them. And that's what a miracle is: a parting of the mists, a shift in perception, a return to love."

The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch

My daughter is just eighteen months, so I can't tell her this now, but when she's old enough, I want Chloe to know something a female colleague once told me, which is good advice for young ladies everywhere. In fact, pound for pound, it's the best advice I've ever heard.

My colleague told me: "It took a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

That's it. So here it is, for Chloe.

And as I think about it, some day it could come in pretty useful for Dylan and Logan, too.

Make A Point Every Day...

Every Day:

• Spend at least 2 minutes speaking in the morning, saying goodbye

• Don’t start your day without telling your partner at least one thing you are doing that day

• At the end of each day take ten minutes each to discuss the days’ frustrations. Take 20 minutes each to support each other

• Spend 5 minutes each day communicating appreciation and validation to your partner

• Spend 5 minutes a day to kiss, hug, and be affectionate before you go to sleep.

• Every week you should plan at least one low pressure activity to stay connected. Share your dreams, aspirations, joys, and sorrows. Get to know each other in different ways

What I Learned in Marriage Classes...

Marriage is the closest and most intimate of relationships.

 Communication is the pathway to intimacy.

Intimacy          -           Loyalty            -           Support

Conflict is expected, normal, unavoidable, and can bring you closer (or drift you apart)

It is not about thinking alike it is about thinking together.

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1               Accept Responsibility for your actions

2               Be aware of the impact you have on your partners’ life.

3               Penance (Do something to make up for it – Not BUY something.)

4               Forgiveness

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On Loving...

·  You can make mistakes in loving-which is why forgiveness is such a vital part of your loving actions toward your spouse. If you are forgiving, you are more likely to be forgiven.

·  Take your partner out to different places such as out for dinners, movies, or vacation.

·  Remember, service and love are inherently connected. Whatever you know your partners needs, that is what you should be doing to love him or her. The moment you start insisting on your way or doing what you want, you have stopped loving your spouse.

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In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don't let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.

 

1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.
2. Find out your partner's preferred "Love Language." Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner's.
3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, "My heart expands when you walk into the room" or "I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile." Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don't just say something, do something.
4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it.
5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse.
6. Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn't have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don't be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse's weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too.

 

Enchanted Love - Marianne Williamson

"In truth they do not see at all. That is why they call love blind, for it is they who cannot see. There are some things that cannot be seen with earthly eyes.

Enchanted love is one of them...

If you hold my hand then I will hold my breath and cast my fate into the direction of my heart. I will put on hold my lesser dreams and reach for what is truly mine.

Say you will and I will buy my ticket for this ride. It will not be cheap, nor always smooth. But I don't care, I don't care. I have finally come to that...

Our deepest human need is not material at all: Our deepest human need is to be seen. We need adventure. We need meaning. We need identity. We need love. Someone who has seen us through loving eyes has awakened us from the rank of the formerly dead. Most people bear the stress of walking the world unseen, a mere number of cog in a lifeless machine. Mystical romance is a space of resurrection and repair. It does more than help us survive a soulless world; it helps us transform it."